The Prodigal Son and the Wayward Children of the Saints

In this paper we are going to look at the parable of the Prodigal Son and view it in its most basic form regarding the struggle of the saints in dealing with wayward children. Now, let it be said up front that I fully recognize that this parable is not intended to deal with this issue exclusively, or even primarily, but it is nonetheless a part of the consideration.

It is a sad reality of Christian homes that children break away from us and go their own way. At times it can be a painful ordeal as you struggle to impress upon them the need to care for their souls versus satisfying their lust for immediate sinful gratification. But in many cases after years of Christian education and after much pleading for their souls the child still feels the need to reject what they have been taught and to leave the family in search of what they think will please them more. As we walk through this parable it will no doubt cause a great many of you to nod in agreement that this is what you are or have experienced with your own children. But as you do so remember there is hope in this parable and in many places beyond, some of which we will look at as well.

Lu. 15:11-13

First we see the introduction of the whole parable in light of the actions and the motivations of the younger son. William Hendriksen explains, “The younger of the two sons became tired of staying at home. As has been the case with certain young people ever since (and the situation deplorable even today), this young man desired to be free from parental restraint. He was convinced that being by himself, away from the eyes of his parents…, he would be able to do whatever he wanted, and this “freedom” would make him happy. Of course, to carry out his plan he needed money. He probably knew that… one-third of the parental estate would be his when his father died. But he wanted that portion now. He could not wait. Now it must be granted that a father did at times make “gifts” to his children while he was still alive, but this young man was not satisfied with a mere gift. He wanted his entire portion, and he wanted it here and now."[1]

David Brown says, “[…] weary of restraint, panting for independence, unable longer to abide the check of a father’s eye."[2]

The child has reached an age where rather than heed the instruction of his parents in a pious manner he behaves more like the men mentioned in Ps. 2:1-3. Is this not a fairly common experience? We see our children become hard to the exhortations of their parents and infatuated with the world about them they seek to be freed of the bonds that have held them so tenderly throughout their youth. If you have been fortunate enough not have seen this in your own children then perhaps you may recall a time when you yourself were guilty of this. The reality is they have caved into their flesh, they have seen a glimpse of the other side of the hill and nothing can restrain them from traveling into those distant lands no matter how hard you try. Your yoke has become unbearable and nothing much matters to their youthful minds except to escape.

But more than that there is normally little or no regard to the welfare of those around them. The hurt that ensues is acceptable collateral damage for them. It is highly likely that whether or not they are hurting others hasn’t even crossed their minds. Here the young man displays his selfishness through the demand for his inheritance. And make no mistake about it, though it may have been his eventually anyway it was not the norm that he should have it now, so demand he will and demand he does. Matthew Henry says, “What his request to his father was: He said to his father, proudly and pertly enough, “Father, give me” – he might have put a little more in his mouth, and have said, Pray give me, or, Sir, if you please, give me, but he makes an imperious demand – “give me the portion of goods that falleth to me; not so much as you think  fit to allot me, but that which falls to me as my due."[3] He selfishly views his inheritance not as the blessing it is, but as a debt owed to him that must be paid upon demand. It smacks of the same selfish arrogance shown in the parable of the Unforgiving Servant in Matt. 18.

Hendriksen sums up the selfishness of the child well when he says, “Aside from the fact that in all probability [the son’s demand] meant that the entire estate had to be broken up – a considerable portion of the holdings sold and converted into cash – and that as a result whatever was left would be seriously affected, did he at all consider what he was doing would grieve his father? What an insult it was to him? As if the young man’s “freedom” would actually be better for him than the loving care and advice he was constantly receiving from his father at home!"[1]

Children in this state of mind view the instruction of their parents as unreasonable shackles, whatever they may gain from them for their benefit as debt, and whatever the cost may be to the rest of the family as inconsequential. What they desire, what they chase after, what they think is best for them is not rooted in logic or love for their family and certainly not with any regard to whether or not they are glorifying God. For the time being, they are lost to you (at least spiritually speaking). Thinking they are ready for the world they travel, as Hendriksen says, “Apparently as far away from [their] home as [they] dare to go. Does not this folly remind one of the prophet Jonah who seems to have thought that by boarding a ship for Tarshish he could get away from God?"[1]

Luke 15:14-19

Next we see the often unfortunate reality these children face. They run after the desires of the flesh and never stop to consider that they will not be left peacefully alone like other children. These children have been raised in Christian homes by pious parents who have instructed them in the way of God. Their conscience is a burden to them and nothing seems to ultimately go right for them. Eventually they find themselves mired in ruin and desperate for help.

The young man in the parable provides us with an example of what many of these children face. Once again Hendriksen says, “How utterly foolish this conduct of his! First he gathered “all he had,” leaving nothing behind in case his plan should not work out and he should wish to return home; and now, in addition, he spent money right and left until in no time there was nothing left."[1] It may not be riches that are being squandered by the vast majority of our children but their spiritual health fades as quickly as the money this young man spent. Then, like him, they find themselves destitute and broken, mere shells of the glorious specimens that left the home.

Imagine the humiliation these children feel. Having abandoned all that is right and pure in their lives, having left the comfortable confines of their homes, they find themselves destitute and then famine arrives. Perhaps like the young man in the parable they are forced to do things to provide for themselves that otherwise would have been unimaginable, things that are even contrary to the quiet voice of conscience in their heads. For the young man in the parable the greatest expression of this was to be found in his caring for the pigs. This wasn’t just work that had previously been beneath him and in and of itself humiliating, but he was a Jew, doing so bruised his spirit as well as his pride. Hendriksen says, “A Jew feeding pigs, unclean animals, how degrading! How humiliating! Was not this saying current among the Jews: ‘May a curse come upon the man who cares for the swine’?"[1] In spite of all that has happened to the young man it is as Brown says for the man in the parable and our wayward children alike, “[…] pride, it seems, was not yet humbled; he could not brook the shame of a return."[2]

To add insult to injury the young man couldn’t even fill his aching stomach with the food the pigs were eating though he longed to. It doesn’t even seem that anyone stepped in to help him, they just let him starve. I suppose we can assume that he was paid a small wage for caring for the pigs and it was just enough for him to survive on though not enough to satisfy him. This too, is the way that wayward children face the world. They get to a low point and their souls are aching for the care that they were previously accustomed to. Yet the world cares nothing for these children and should their story be ultimately known they may even relish in their demise. “Ha! Another Christian who has turned his back on God and is worth nothing! See! There is no hope in Christianity, all religion is a lie!” Jer. 30:14 becomes all too real, “All thy lovers have forgotten thee; they seek thee not; for I have wounded thee with the wound of an enemy, with the chastisement of a cruel one, for the multitude of thine iniquity; because thy sins were increased.”

Their disquieted souls long to be nourished as they had become accustomed to and all they can find is wickedness which leaves them perpetually hungering for more; something, anything, to satisfy the hunger they feel inside them. Like the man in the parable they fill this need with inadequate and unfulfilling means. They join false churches; they put on a pretense of religion as long as it doesn’t challenge their hearts towards true piety or turn them back to their homes. Alas, they find that only for a very short time do they seem able to hope for something better than what they currently have. It is at this moment that they feel, as David Brown says, “[…] like Jonah, whom the storm did not overtake till on the mighty deep at the mercy of the waves, [and then they feel] as if ‘the stars in their courses were fighting against’ [them]."[2] The Lord is dealing with this wayward child and as we all know from experience, as necessary as it is, being disciplined by the Lord is not an enjoyable time.

But, the Lord must deal with them; the Lord must have His will fulfilled in their lives. We must allow that to happen. We cannot be agents of disruption in their lives. We care for them, we pray for them, we long for them with all of our hearts, yes; but we turn them over to the Lord and happily allow Him to work in their lives regardless of the emotional strain that may cause us and them at the time. We have committed these children to the Lord from their birth, we have set them aside for His disposal, and we have faithfully raised them accordingly believing all along in the covenant promises of God to save our children; nothing has changed. Do we assume that the Lord becomes impotent when our children leave the home? Has His purpose changed? No, nothing has changed! “For I am the Lord, I change not.” (Mal. 3:6). God has assured us that He is the same “yesterday, and today, and forever.” (Heb. 13:8) The only thing that has changed is that we now question Him; we panic, and our faith in Him, that He will save our children, falters. But we must hold on to faith in God for in that we can rest easy knowing that whatever happens His will is going to be accomplished, whatever that will may be, and that is our overriding concern. We represent to these children what we have always represented and what we must not depart from, we are to be examples of piety and faithfulness, and we are to trust that our imperfect examples will have been, and continue to be, pressed upon their hearts until the Lord extends to them the effectual call and they become not just children alone but brothers in Christ.

Eventually, and please don’t try and put a time limit on it as it will happen if and when the Lord pleases that it should happen, they are humbled; no longer able to bear the burden of the world they return home. The same was true of the Prodigal Son. Matthew Henry speaks not only of this but of his return to sanity, which he had clearly abandoned upon leaving the home, he says, “A sinful state is a state of madness and frenzy. This is intimated in that expression, when he came to himself, which intimates that he had been besides himself. Surely he was so when he left his father’s house, and much more so when he joined himself to the citizens of that country… Sinners, like those that are mad, destroy themselves with foolish lusts, and yet at the same time deceive themselves with foolish hopes; and they are, of all diseased persons, most enemies to their own cure."[3]

With a return to sanity the Prodigal Son returned home prodded on by his misery. Henry says, “What was the occasion of his return and repentance. It was his affliction; when he was in want, then he came to himself. Note, Afflictions, when they are sanctified by divine grace, prove happy means of turning sinners from the error of their ways. By them the ear is opened to discipline and the heart disposed to receive instructions; and they are sensible proofs both of the vanity of the world and of the mischievousness of sin."[3] The misery that ensues for the Prodigal Son, or in this consideration our wayward children, is there for a reason! It is used by the Lord to turn their hearts back to him and back to those who truly love them and care for them. It is why we cannot be detrimental to that process as the Lord turns their hearts from stone to clay. It is through such happenings that the Lord leads them to repentance and sets their feet on the straight path. It isn’t just that they come back but that they come back with a truly penitent heart. Hendriksen says, “[The Prodigal Son] arrives at the conclusion that his decision to leave home was what? Simply unwise? A practical error? No, definitely a sin, nothing less. A sin committed against whom? Against his father? Well, first and most of all against “heaven,” that is, “against God.” It was God who had given him a wonderful, kind, and loving father; hence “against heaven” and “in your sight” (or: against you)… What a change in this young man. How penitent he has become."[1] As common as the experience may be for the children of pious parents to be wayward for awhile, it is equally common that they return when the Lord has worked in their hearts as He sees fit. We must wait patiently to see that end realized.

Luke 15:19-24

Now the Prodigal Son comes home. I love the way that Hendriksen speaks of this moment. It has so much force and emotion behind it. He says, “It is clear that the father never lost interest in his wayward son. Again and again he must have been on the lookout for him. And now… there he sees him in the distance. What does the father do…? he sympathizes deeply, runs, embraces, and kisses. And all this before the son has even said a word! Such marvelous love! […] ‘I have sinned against heaven and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ That is what the son had intended to say. But he had also intended to say even more, namely, ‘Make me as one of your hired men.’ He never said it. The father never gave him a chance to say it. Marvelous!"[1] You see, while we should not interfere with the work of the Lord we should be eagerly anticipating their return. We should be diligently praying for them and witnessing to them as the Lord provides opportunity. We should be joyfully greeting them upon their return and forgiving them as loving parents who pity the tragedy they have just experienced and celebrate their repentant hearts returning to the Lord and to our homes. Forgiveness is theirs without reservation; repentance brings them back into the fold.

Herein is our hope for these wayward sons of ours. We should have realized long ago that their salvation was dependent on the Lord just as ours was. We play a part in bringing them to that end; but, if it was their parents that were the primary consideration by which they would be saved they would all be doomed for hell. For example, I fear that a great many of us do not stand up too well to the demand of Eph. 6:4. Calvin says, “A hard and unkind severity makes [children] obstinate and destroys their sense of filial duty. At the same time, Paul insists on discipline, because he does not want children to be spoiled by doting parents."[4] Martin Bucer adds, “Christian people are free, and so every teaching and admonition directed at them must be moderated so as to lead, not drag them, and to advise them gently, not compel them by force. Therefore the apostle advises parents not to provoke their children to anger, that is, not to exacerbate their minds. If they force them to do their duty by employing intemperate severity, they will never make them good or prepared to of the extra mile. Therefore he urges that they should be brought up in the training and instruction of the Lord."[4] I don’t know that many, if any of us, can say we are not guilty to whatever degree of violating this Scriptural command. If our perfect parenting was to be the thing that their eternal salvation depended upon then there will never be a godly race on this earth, our failures and sin would permanently destroy the Christian faith.

But that is not the case at all. Pr. 22:6 tells us, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Franz Delitzsch says that this proverb “refers to that training of youth, in conformity with his nature, which becomes a second nature, that which is imprinted, inbred, becomes accustomed."[5] In other words, our duty lies exclusively in the planting of the seed. In the same way a farmer plants a seed in the ground, and all that entails, as his responsibility in securing a crop, we plant the seed in the hearts of our children that they may be blessed with salvation. But, and this is a big but, just as the growing of the farmers crop depends upon God providing rain and sun in order to grow a healthy crop, we depend on God to grow the seed of faith we have planted in our children’s hearts. Archibald Alexander explains it this way, “It may be justly and scripturally compared to a growing crop: after the seed is sown it vegetates, we know not how, and then it receives daily the sun's influence, and from time to time refreshing showers; and later, after a long drought, there comes a plentiful shower, by means of which, nutriment is afforded for the formation of the full corn in the ear. No one will dispute the importance and efficacy of this last shower in maturing the grain; but had there been no cultivation and no showers long before, this had never produced any effect."[6] The important thing to know is that our hope for our children, indeed their hope for themselves lies not in the brilliance of the parent but in the faithfulness of God to grow the seed. Without God the seed would lie eternally dormant and even the best parent ever to walk the face of the earth would see their efforts amount to nothing. It is a wonderful grace that we look to the Lord to secure our children’s salvation; it is our hope for them, and it is a blessing to all.

If you are dealing with this issue in your life, regardless of the age of your children, may you set aside despair and reach for the sure of hope of the Lord our God. He is rich in grace and we know that not one person that has ever been numbered with the elect will be lost (Jn. 10:27-30). Just like the Lord has saved us as sinners, we whom the Prodigal Son represents, just like He called many of us back from the brink of destruction, our children are in His hands and with Paul we may boldly say, “I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day.” (2 Tim. 1:12)

Plead with them, wait eagerly for them, pray for them daily, and wait on the Lord to answer your prayers. It may not happen in a day, a year, or even a decade, but if they are His they will indeed come and you have no reason to doubt that they are not. Do not attempt to delve into eternal calling regarding your children no matter how bad it gets, the current evidence may have little or nothing to do with where they will spend eternity. Paul was an accomplice to murder and yet he was the apostle the Lord used to evangelize the Gentiles. Your child may yet be called into God’s service and I would not surrender that hope for anything on this earth.

May the Lord who gives graciously to His children, may the Lord who has promised that no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly bring peace and patience to your stricken hearts, and may He bless each of our children with salvation to His glory and for their good, Amen.

1. William Hendriksen, New Testament Commentary, vol. 3, Baler Academic, pp 752-756

2. David Brown, JFB Commentary, vol. 3, Eerdman’s Publishing Co., pp 288-291

3. Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible, Hendrickson Publishers, pp 1497-1499

4. Gerald L. Bray, Reformation Commentary, IVP Academic, vol. 10, pg. 395

5. Franz Delitzsch, K&D Commentary on the Old Testament, Eerdman’s Publishing Co., vol. 6, pp 86-87

6. Archibald Alexander, Thoughts on Religious Experience, Banner of Truth, pg 3