To bolster the point that mankind is built to desire marriage: there was a study done a few years back that showed that out of those polled 86.3% of all people that had never been married desired to be so one day (Dr. Norval Glenn, “With This Ring… A National Survey on Marriage in America
I have personally known people that looked for a spouse for years, well into middle age, and then in a panic jumped on the first person that would say yes and wound up in horrible marriages that undoubtedly failed to live up to either partner’s expectations. For women specifically, I have seen a tendency that once they start creeping towards their mid twenties they take on some warped view that they are old maids and how are they ever going to get married now? But with this, as with all things, the Bible leads the way; God is sovereign in providing us with a spouse as He is in all other things and to have a healthy view of this we must break away from self-imposed logic and societal expectations and see what God has left us in His word.
To Become Married or Remain Single?
Marriage is a good thing given to us by God and is everywhere commended as such in the Scriptures. But it is not the only option presented to us by the word of God, a fact too many aren’t even willing to consider. We can’t imagine in the midst of our desires and dreaming that our God could have other plans for us then the ones we have for ourselves. This is not a condemnation of marriage, but it is important for the single person with desires for marriage to at least consider the proposition that perhaps God has other plans for you. I wish to say that it is not the common experience that you will never be given a spouse by the Lord; but without considering that you are one of those blessed in another area other than marriage, you may never know.
The passage that will be the focus of our study is 1 Cor. 7:32-35. If you should so decide to study deeper into this passage you will find that vs. 33, 34 have some translational debate over the word divide or it is also translated there is a difference. But I see no reason to distract us with that consideration now as the heart of the passage is hardly affected either way, in my opinion, and after having read the opinions of a number of others in regards to this debate; but, just the same, if you find the two verses holding slightly different emphasis or wording this is the primary cause of the issue.
Next, there is an important reason why Paul is giving this direction. “The recurrence of the formula ‘now concerning…’ at 8:1, 12:1, 16:1 indicates that he is dealing in turn with the points they (the church in Corinth) had raised… The present chapter contains Paul’s counsel concerning various queries in connection with marriage and the home [such as]… ought a Christian to marry?” (Dr. Philip E. Hughes, The Biblical Expositor, I Corinthians, vol. 3, pg. 269) This is why we too are coming here. A young church struggling against the influence of the world they were a part of, yet who desired to be pious, asked these questions of the Apostle in order to know what was best for them in their lives and in service of God. Certainly the modern church can say they face the same uncertainties and assaults while living in the world and should be asking the same questions which are now clearly answered for us in the word of God.
1 Cor. 7:32-35, “I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: but he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.”
¨ He returns to the advice which he had spoken of (vs. 25) but had not yet fully explained, and in the outset he pronounces… a commendation upon celibacy, and then afterwards allows everyone the liberty of choosing what he may consider to suit him best. It is not, however, without good reason that he returns so frequently to proclaim the advantages of celibacy, for he saw that the burdens of matrimony were far from light. The man who can exempt himself from them, ought not to refuse such a benefit and it is of advantage for those who resolve to marry, to be forewarned of those inconveniences, that they may not afterwards, on meeting with them unexpectedly, give way to despondency… The meaning is this: “Marriage brings along with it hindrances, from which I should wish you to be free and exempt…” Mark the kind of exemption from anxieties that he desires on behalf of Christians – that they may devote to the Lord all their thoughts and aims. This, he says, belongs to celibacy; and therefore he desires all to enjoy this liberty… Observe the Apostle’s moderation. Though he knew the vexations, troubles, and difficulties of the married life, and, on the other hand, the advantages of celibacy, yet he does not venture to prescribe… [rather,] taking into view their ability, he here declares in express terms, that he points out, indeed, what is most advantageous, but does not wish to impose a necessity on any one. And here you have two things worthy of observation. The first is, for what purpose celibacy is to be desired – not on its own account… but that we may cleave to God without distraction – that being the one thing that a Christian man ought exclusively to look to during his whole life. The second thing is, that no snare must be put upon men’s consciences, so as to keep back any one from marriage, but that every one must have liberty allowed him. (John Calvin, Commentary on 1 Corinthians)
¨ Take heed that neither lust nor rashness thrust you into a married condition before you see reasons to invite you to it as may assure you of the call and approval of God. For… it is God whom you must serve in your married state, and therefore it is proper that you take His counsel before you rush upon it, for He knows best what belongs to His service… If the consent of parents is necessary, much more is the consent of God… Every man is bound to choose that condition in which he may serve God with the best advantages and which tends most to his spiritual welfare and increase in holiness… By these conditions you may know what persons have a call from God to marry and who have not His call or approval. First, if there is a peremptory will or command of parents to children that are under their authority, and no greater matter on the contrary to hinder it, the command of parents signifies the command of God… Second, they are called to marry who have not the gift of continence and cannot by the use of lawful means attain it and have no impediment that makes it unlawful to them to marry (1 Cor. 7:9)… Third, another cause that warrants marriage is when upon a wise casting up of all accounts it is apparently most probable that in a married state one may be most serviceable to God and the public good, that there will be in it greater helps and fewer hindrances to the great ends of our lives: the glorifying of God and the saving of ourselves and others…. Here it must be carefully observed, first, that the two first reasons for marriages, sexual desire and the will of the parents, or any such like, have their strength but in subordination to the third, the final cause or interest of God and our salvation. This last reason… is of itself sufficient without any of the others, but none of the others are sufficient without this. If it is clear that in a married state you have better advantages for the service of God and doing good to others and saving your own souls than you can have in a single state of life, then it is undoubtedly your duty to marry; for our obligation to seek our ultimate end is the most constant, indispensable obligation. (Richard Baxter, “The Godly Home,” pp. 19-22)
¨ […] the reason why I have advised… a single rather than a married life, for those to whom God hath given the gift of continency, is, that those who are Christians might live as free from such cares as divide and distract men’s and women’s minds…, the single person that hath a spiritual heart, disposed to pious performances, being free from other distractions and cares, caused by worldly occasions, will spend all his thoughts about his duty toward God, and how to please Him… [H]usbands and wives are under some obligations to please each other by [various amusements], which, though not in themselves sinful, yet take up time, which those free from such relations may spend more religiously. (Matthew Poole, Commentary on 1 Corinthians)
Marriage is a beautiful thing given to mankind, for a variety of reasons, as a gift from the Lord; let’s not allow that fact to go unnoticed here. But let us also see that, if possible for the individual, being single is not only a gift from the Lord as well but a preferable one. Not many are able to forge this life alone, not many are able to free themselves from the burden of sexual desire, not many feel equipped to handle the burdens of this life by themselves; but, for those that can it is a blessed gift you have been given. How many of you that are struggling with the idea of marriage and the overwhelming desire you may be experiencing in your life towards that end have stopped to consider that the Lord may have given you this gift of single living that you may live with uninterrupted focus on Him? You must consider it, for it may indeed be your calling! That Puritan giant Richard Baxter gave some very good terms with which to test that against. And if you test this against your own life and find that you are able to confirm a calling to a single life then it is not a curse but a blessing as is clearly evidenced here by the Apostle Paul.
Now, as I have said, it is not the common gift or expectation that most men and women will be able to productively live outside of the confines of marriage. So, even if, upon testing the will of the Lord and spending some time in prayer over the matter, you are still convinced that your calling is in marriage, let not your heart be troubled by your current predicament. For right now, at this moment, the Lord is affording you the time to prepare yourself for the life to come. He is blessing you with a moment of your life wherein your primary focus is Him and you are not encumbered by other concerns. Be thankful for what He has given you now and wait patiently on what He will provide for you down the road. Don’t consume yourself with the details of how you will ever manage to meet a spouse and get married when you see no hope of such a reality right now. For we serve a sovereign Lord and He is not just in control of all other things with the exception of a spouse for you; but indeed, if He has determined you should be married, He has already selected the perfect mate for you and will in His time provide the means for you two to be together. Paul tells us in Romans 8:25 that “if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.” Be patient, trust in the Lord in this matter as with all others and take advantage of the time He has graciously given to you now. Simon Kistemaker, in his commentary on these verses, says that one of the focuses of the entire passage is that whether married or single we “must leave [our] worries with the Lord.” And I pray that it be so!
You may be called to be married or you may be called to be single; but, in whatever your calling, make sure your focus is on God and His glory. Trust in Him to show you the direction He has chosen for your life and that He will provide the means to make that direction happen. Wait patiently on the Lord; He knows what is best for you and what the best time to reveal it in your life undoubtedly is. You can obsess over the details and kick against the goads, you can force your will into the matter tired of waiting for a result; but be careful in such an instance that you don’t end up in the belly of a great fish being disciplined by the Lord. Consider this though, should you wait and submit yourselves to the Lord and His will alone, I can promise with no reservation that your life will blessed beyond expectation and it will all have been worth it in the end. If you are struggling here, I pray your burdens be lightened and your faith invigorated that you may know that the tunnel of despair always leads to bright sunshine when it is the Lord that directs your path. Amen.
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