Marriage
Eph. 5:22 - 23
I have chosen to write on the subject of marriage because there is so much out there on the subject, but so little from a purely biblical perspective. I haven’t heard it preached from a pulpit in fifteen or twenty years. No one wants to suffer the outrage of telling the truth. The world, in my opinion, has been able to influence the best intentioned authors because we have the perception that if you tell the truth and someone is offended you’re wrong, or harsh, or rude. I have been married 35 years, not all of it fun and games. Every marriage has tough times. You’re taking two individuals, two personalities, two old sin natures, and two (hopefully) new men and molding a single unit. We read the books, got counseling, and went to seminars. I felt no closer to the truth than when I started. My leadership and opinions were improving by natural maturation, but I still had no answers. It was not even that what any of them said was wrong, I just could not convince myself it was biblical, and if not biblical one opinion is as good as another. In fact, some of the suggestions placed new unattainable expectations on one spouse or the other which increased the frustration and sense of failure. God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone, I will make a help meet for him.” Gen. 2:18 Good in the verse means delightful and we will see in Eph. 5 love means that which we derive our joy from. Does your marriage lack that? Mine can, not as often, but we are still human.
This study, I hope as much as possible, deals with what the text says. My comments may at times address what I see as common misconceptions and I will try to make them obvious to the reader. I will give you key Greek definitions of words to help bring out what the verse is saying. This study starts and ends with a command to the wife. The entire center or body of the text is addressed to the husband. My hope is that God bless your lives as He has mine through this bible study.
Eph. 5:23
“Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands.”
This is a command to the wives, our mates for life. In Gen. 2:18 Help meet means, our correspondent opposite, our helper, the one who fills our gaps, our spaces, and our glaring insufficiency’s. This is what she was created to be, my personal favorite definition for help meet is corresponding opposite. Envision two gears going opposite directions, when new they don’t fit well together, they grind and ware on each other, but over time they wear, into each other. The movement over time and use get smoother and what they are moving slides along without a hitch, that’s the picture here. Here is something else to ponder, you never put a new gear with an old gear, if one breaks or wares out you replace both. You will never get a smooth movement out of two gears so radically different. The new one will eventually break the old one. What also must be noted is neither gear can do the job on its own, it requires full cooperation of the other gear. In Ephesians 5:23, the command is for the wives to submit to their own husbands, no one else, no other husband, nor a really nice man that understands… your own husband. The text here does not say if he’s good (though he should be) submit. It just says submit. Submit means: to voluntarily place yourself under another authority, used in 1 Pet. 2:18 servants to masters, Heb. 12:19 Christians to God the Father. This also means to arrange oneself under another’s authority. So Christ here is commanding the wife to voluntarily arrange her actions, thoughts, attitudes, desires, etc., under her own in particular husband’s authority, find out what he needs done and do it. Remember here you as the wife are completing him, filling his gaps, meaning you are studying him to find out how you can best do that. That takes faith on her part… that is no easy task! Would you like to be under someone like you all the time? But, just like as in every other aspect of life someone is in charge, and someone must follow.
"As unto the Lord”
Vs. 23
“For the husband is the head of the wife.”
“Even as Christ”
“He is the Savior”
Christ is the deliverer, the one on whom the burden of survival and salvation fell. Christ saved the church, the body, both visible and invisible, from the beginning of time until the last soul is brought into the kingdom. The church finds life in Him, and survives because of Him. In the same way the burden of the health and survival of the marriage falls squarely on the shoulders of the husband. He is the head, his character, leadership, and Godly life, (hopefully), will be the anchor of the home. She is still responsible to obey Christ and to have a personal relationship with Him, and the husband can only here create an atmosphere that would encourage that relationship. It is impossible to have a Godly marriage if either spouse rejects their God ordained, God decreed roles. Personal commitment to Christ is essential to understanding each person’s role. The tone and commitment must start with the head, the leadership in the home. But, if either is not serving Christ the other is still commanded to fulfill their role, as explained in (I Cor. 7:12 – 14).
Vs. 24
“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be, to their own husbands in everything.”Now there is no misunderstanding as to the reach of the authority of the husband, or the submission of the wife. The word “therefore”, refers you back to something previously said which would be Christ’s authority over the church in vs. 23. Christ’s lordship over the church is undeniable. Matt. 28:18 “…and Jesus came and spoke, “All powers is given unto me in heaven and on earth.” So, just as the church is completely submissive to Christ, let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. This is not a popular stand for either to take. She is to completely submit to someone she knows will fail her over and over again, because he is human, given to sin and failure. Even led by the Spirit there is a growth curve that must be experienced and mistakes will happen no matter the maturity level of the husband. She is not only told to submit to him, but in everything. There is to be no area of her life that he is not involved in. Her faith must first be in Christ, ultimately in Christ. She is to picture the church for better or for worse, in good times, and bad, ever working towards the goal of glorifying Christ, honoring his sacrifice, following His leadership, asking His forgiveness, and seeking His approval. So it is to be in the home also, and we have not as yet seen what is truly expected of the husband, because the mandate for the wife is not based on how well he does his job, but who he represents. There is no checklist for either spouse. We are not grading our mate and determining their submission or leadership based on a pass/fail ratio contained in some checklist. Each is responsible to God alone to fulfill their role and honor Him, regardless of the failures of the other. But, just as the gates of hell shall not prevail against the church (Matt. 16:18), neither will it destroy the marriage.
Eph. 5:25
“Husbands Love”
Now we are into the main body of the study, which concentrates on the husband and his role in the marriage. You could fill whole libraries with the books written on this very subject, but we will address it from scripture only. The word “love”, is in the present tense, imperative mood, meaning this is a command, and he needs to comply right now. He is commanded to love; the Greek here is not agape as is commonly quoted, but its root “agapaho”, which includes more than is commonly explained. Remember earlier I quoted Gen. 2:18, “It is not good (or delightful) for man to be alone.” Agapaho means to love in a social or moral sense. It is a conscience act of the will to find (one’s joy) in the object loved. This would carry, of course, the sense of responsibility to do what it best for her, to sacrifice for her and so forth, which is in the definition of agape. How many of you have been told you are commanded by God to enjoy your wife? Your marriage is not to be a battlefield, a constant source of frustration, but a place of peace and contentment derived from the supreme value the husband places on his wife, which guides his actions, opinions, motives, etc.
“Your wives”
He is not commanded to love money, possessions, other women, church activities, work, or anything else, but to derive his joy in this life in his corresponding opposite… his wife. Paul writes on this in 1 Cor. 7:32 – 35, it is natural and it is of God to be concerning yourselves, with the comfort and well being of one another in marriage.
“Even as”
Again we are told to mirror or mimic the actions of Christ.
“Christ loved the church”
Christ paid the ultimate price for the church, but this phrase is emphasizing the joy He receives from the church. Christ is our Lord, our Mediator, our Sacrifice, our Redeemer, but this word speaks of the joy of a committed relationship. Christ is committed to His relationship with us. We are obeying, he is leading, and we enjoy each others company, and find contentment, peace, and joy in one another. That is to be true of every Christian marriage, because both spouses are committed to Christ. Both are committed to doing what is right, but it doesn’t happen overnight, or without some testing. Christ is not all fluff and meekness either. One need only to read his rebuke to 5 of the 7 churches in Revelation chapters 2 and 3, to see there is a penalty to be paid for disobedience. There will be times when, as a leader it is necessary to stand firm on a decision, not to flex his assumed power, but for the good of your wife and home.
“Gave Himself for it”
“Gave” is to commit, deliver, entrust, yield, and surrender. Jesus is not fair weather friend; He is fully engaged, fully committed in every believer’s life, no matter what our commitment may be to Him. He does not gauge His loyalty on ours, equaling our commitment, or based his response on ours. We are told clearly in Rom. 5:8, “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” As a husband our commitment has to be the same, not reactive, but committed. Just as the church has full assurance Christ will never leave it, Matt. 28:20, “Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” Husbands are to have no excuse for quitting. They are the image of Christ in the home, and must be fully engaged, fully committed. We cannot be fully committed if we reserve the right in our own minds to flee if times become unbearable. At this point, I think it is important to understand what Christ defines “love” as, so I have added a little study on 1 Cor. 13:1 – 7. If we are to love as Christ loves we should use His definition. The world has sought to blur the clear understanding of Christ’s love, but until they can successfully get rid of the bible we can always find the truth. 1 Cor. 13:1 – 3, without love, actions have no value.
Vs. 1
“Though I speak”
This is a great orator, to preach, to communicate one person to another.
“Tongues of men”
To communicate in a known language where there is no confusion to the meaning being expressed.
“And of Angels”
This is a message directly from God, a prophet, a preacher, or a fiery sermon that gets everyone’s attention.
“And have not charity”
Benevolence, to set a supreme value upon the object of the love, and doing what is best for them. This is speaking to motive, what is the motive for this fiery speech, this great oratory proclamation? If it is not a deep sense of love it is of no benefit at all.
“I am become as”
I am no more useful than, or I have become similar to.
“Sounding brass”
An instrument made of hollowed out brass used to make loud noise.
“Tinkling symbol”
Another instrument used to make noise. The point is we can say whatever we want, as forcefully or as eloquently as possible, but without proper motives, without a true desire for the betterment of the person or persons, our efforts are directed towards, it is just noise, it is of no useful purpose.
Vs. 2
“And though”
Even if, let’s imagine, or hypothetically speaking,
“I have the gift of prophecy”
Accurately predict the future. Prophets were rated on very stiff criteria in Old Testament times. They either were always accurate or they were a fraud.
“Understand”
To be sure of, to perceive, to have a deep rational, educated knowledge of things in general.
“All mysteries”
There is nothing this individual does not know. He would be Godlike in his knowledge, and understanding of signs and wonders.
“All faith”
Faith is a conviction to the truth and a reliance on what is believed. To be completely convinced, totally reliant on God, no gaps, Christ like.
“I could remove mountains”
Your faith could alter the landscape, literally.
“And have not charity I am nothing”
There is no value in an individual who is self serving. If our motive is our own personal interest our gifts are of no value, Paul is saying gifts are wonderful in the hands of an individual who understands and practices true love.
Vs. 3
“Though I bestow”
To supply, nourish, to be a major contributing factor.
“All my goods”
Everything he possesses, anything of value to him that he owns
“To feed the poor”
This is those incapable,(not unwilling), of supplying their own basic needs. This would be considered a worthy cause, a worthy endeavor to be stripped of all worldly possessions and give everything to those unable to provide for their own basic needs.
“And though I give my body to be burned”
That would be the ultimate sacrifice, your own body in a painful horrific death. This was a common sacrifice in the age Paul is talking. The Romans enjoyed inflicting maximum pain and suffering in their executions.
“And have not charity it profits me nothing”
It’s not that some good may come from what you have done, but that no one receives any good from what you have done. Love carries with it an element of decision making. You make a choice to highly regard, sacrificially protect, selflessly desire another’s good. It is an inward attitude that produces certain outward actions, not the other way around. Paul will now define the signs of real committed true love.
Vs. 4
“Charity”
This is a benevolent, doting love. It is a sacrificial love, doing what is best for the object loved. Not a love based on duty, but duty is involved. Ultimately love is based on an intense desire to elevate and protect, to show value in the object loved. I must emphasis here that as we have seen previously, it is a doting love. This love is not looking at its obligations or responsibilities, but only what it truly believes is in the best interest of the object loved.
“Suffers long”
This is to be long spirited, to endure patiently, committed to not giving up. That is to exercise understanding and patience towards a person, not angry, not wanting punishment or revenge. Not becoming despondent where you quit caring altogether. This is not perseverance where you just refuse to be beaten so you clench your teeth and just endure until it is over. No, this takes a conscience act of your will, to acknowledge the wrong, but not stop caring about what happens to the one who wronged you. Love is always in active pursuit of another’s good. So in longsuffering you willingly refuse to respond out of emotions and exercise sound judgment in the face of a wrong done to you.
“And is kind”
This is to show oneself useful, gracious, goodness in manners and morals.
Would this not be a wonderful reputation to have? That you are useful, gracious, that there is a moral and ethical goodness about you? Love is useful, it is not an enabler of sin, but graciously helps those in trouble. There is a moral rectitude and infectious goodness to real love.
“Charity envieth not”
Envying is to have a warm feeling of jealousy, to be moved with desire to have what is not yours. We cannot sincerely love another person and inwardly despise them for having what we wish we had. You either love them or envy them, but never both.
“Charity values not itself”
This is to boast, brag, to exalt one’s self to others, to have an elevated opinion of your own worth due to your station in life or your abilities. This goes beyond confidence; this is idolatry where you are worshipping yourself. We must always remember that promotion is of the Lord. Psalms 75:5-7, “Lift not up your horn on high, speak not with a stiff neck. For promotion comes neither from the east or from the west, nor from the south. But God is the judge; he putteth down one and setteth up another.” What we are or what we have is strictly up to God and His pleasure for us. To brag or boast about what is given to us, or done for us, does not honor God or those around us.
“Is not puffed up”
To be haughty, proud, to believe you are better than another and show it in words and actions. Love’s central focus is not itself; this love is drive with a desire and concern to promote another. Boasting and haughtiness show a lack of love because all of their attention is on themselves only.
Vs. 5
“Does not behave itself unseemingly”
We are not to embarrass others by our words and our actions. Our dress, speech, and actions all fall into this category. People cannot be relaxed or comfortable in an unseemingly persons presence, nor have their loved one around this person because of their overall conduct.
“Seeks not her own”
Selfish, self centered; only interested in yourself. It is self-worship, self-gratification. Love does not demand space; it is always looking to the needs of others. Selfishness keeps you from giving every endeavor your all, because you are only looking out for your own self interest.
“Is not easily provoked”
Love is not easily angered because as James 1:20 says, “For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” You can articulate that for yourself, because for me to expound on it would be to add my opinion which I am trying to avoid. Let’s just say, this is impatience with one another, not righteous indignation, but annoyance at a perceived inconvenience. You quickly retaliate and lack self control.
“Thinketh”
To take a mental inventory, draw a conclusion, to suppose. I broke this off by its self because it is, key to understanding the rest of the phrase. This is a deliberate act; you judge the situation and draw a conclusion.
“No evil”
Evil is intrinsically worthless, depraved, injurious, and harmful. Can you see the picture being drawn here? It is not love to meditate on or draw a conclusion of an injurious or depraved nature of another human being. God does not say that if they have offended you, legitimately hurt you its ok… NO! If you dwell on and conclude someone else is worthless, or you harbor injurious or harmful thought towards another you do not love, there is no excuse.
Vs. 6
“Rejoiceth”
This is joyful, happy, and glad.
“Not in iniquity”
Iniquity is: injustice, unrighteousness. We are to find no pleasure in unrighteousness, whether it is ours or another’s. If something bad happens to someone we have had issues with, we should find no satisfaction in their misfortune.
“But rejoiceth”
So on the contrary, love finds its happiness, its joy…
“In the truth”
It is an unveiled reality lying at the basis of and agreeing with what it appears to be. Love finds happiness where confusion and falsehood stop. When I hear people say, “I can’t tell them the truth it would destroy them”, I wonder what they think the lie is doing? Love promotes righteousness, honesty, integrity; it finds its joy in the unveiled reality clearly before them. If we focus on what we know to be true, and not on what we perceive to be wrong, we are able to love without barriers, stipulations or expectations.
Vs. 7
“Bareth”
When we bare something we cover it with silence, we patiently endure. No retaliation, no demand for justice for the wrong done to us. No fanfare, no acclaim, no “look at me and what I am enduring”.
“All things”
This is an inclusive everything, this leaves nothing out. You don’t reach a point where you say enough is enough. Baring all things is not you watching someone else’s suffering and desiring to relieve their pain, but what is done to you intentionally or not, knowingly or not, and you cover it with silence.
“Believeth”
To trust someone, to give someone the benefit of the doubt, until circumstances prove otherwise, we believe, remember “love thinketh no evil”, vs. 5.
“All things”
Again, everything is encompassed here. Not I trusted them before and they lied to me, or failed me, so never again. This says again, and again, you must go on believing. These are just matter of fact statements. Love does not retaliate, but covers with silence and trust without giving up, and believes without giving up.
“Hopeth”
This is to have a positive expectation, to confidently look forward to something.
So while we are not retaliating but trusting in a positive outcome, because you have had the audacity to trust in someone, though in the past that may have turned out bad. We never give up on anyone if we love as we should.
“Endureth”
We are to remind ourselves quietly, to put to memory, to think but not speak. This is not blind faith or becoming someone’s kicking bag. This is, loving someone (if you take it from vs. 6). The loving person finds no pleasure in sin, but loves the truth, doesn’t retaliate when a wrong is done to them, nor seek vengeance, but believes in the individual, trusts that they will receive future blessings, and keeps their thoughts to themselves. Is it so hard to believe God would be working in another’s life in the same direct and demanding manner that He is working in yours?
So now that we have a clear understanding of what love really is let’s go back to Eph. 5 and continue our study. If possible get as familiar with love’s definitions as they are related to the rest of the study. Christ is the perfect reflection, the very definition of love, and the husband is to be the reflection of Christ.
Eph. 5:26-27
Christ and His Church
We have learned that the wife is commanded to voluntarily place herself under the authority of her husband, and fully submit to him in everything. This authority was given to him by God, because he is the image of Christ, and the wife is the image of the church. Our testimony is greatly affected by how well we perform these roles. Husbands are commanded to love their wives. To take pleasure in them, find their joy in their wives. That mandate took us to 1 Cor. 13:1-7 so we could define what Christ definition of love is. Now we will see Christ’s attitude towards His church. We will see His leadership and love. This is essential in establishing how we lead and love our wives.
This study I hope will void the humanistic ideas on partnership. There is no 50/50 in marriage. Though we serve one another in marriage, we do not obey one another in marriage. There are established roles, for eternal purposes. What each spouse does, in many ways, has nothing to do with the response or agreement of the other. Each is responsible to God, and goes about doing in the marriage, what they believe God requires them to do according to His word. You will see in the verses that follow, Christ does not wait for a positive response from the church to affirm His leadership. He just does what is right and what is best because that is what love does.
Vs. 26
“That He might sanctify”
Set apart or separate, to stand in contrast with, and to venerate. This is in the aorist tense, subjunctive mood, there is no set time this happened, in fact subjunctive mood stresses the action has no definite outcome. The point is Christ is separating His church from the world. We are set apart for His purpose (Isa. 14:27), and His good pleasure (Eph.1:9). Sanctification is an ongoing process.
“And cleanse”
This can be legal or ceremonial; to purge, to expiate. We have been legally declared clean. We have been freed from the guilt of our sin. God has legally removed our sin because of the redemptive work of Christ. We are declared clean though not actually clean. The church is made up of many individuals of different levels of growth and understanding. Christ deals with us both individually and corporately to separate us from the world.
“With the washing of water”
This is defined bath, baptism, used metaphorically of spiritual cleansing. To be washed over and have all the dirt and stain of sin removed.
“By”
By means of, the agent accomplishing the cleansing is,
“The word”
An utterance: or a matter of topic, a spoken work, preaching, a report or account of the all powerful commands of God. That is why in Heb. 10:25 we are told, “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together”, the church is God’s ordained avenue of declaring His word, and Heb. 4:12, “the word of God is quick and powerful”. We stunt our growth and are out of God’s will to not be a part of a local body. God has chosen the public pronouncement of His word to be the means which His church is cleansed.
How does this apply to marriage? Our marriage should be set apart from every other relationship. No other human relationship should ever take priority over the marriage. Our relationship is legally pure and set apart from sin in the eyes of God, even though we know practically sin is an ever present reality in the marriage. The word of God is to be proclaimed in the home and to be the fundamental stability of the marriage. The husband is to be proclaiming the word and leading a Godly life, thereby combating the sin that seeks to destroy our lives.
Vs. 27
“That He might present”
Christ places His church on display, like a trophy case that the owner can walk by and admire their accomplishment.
“To Himself”
Christ is pleased to admire His handiwork that He has placed on display. This is a picture of Him standing back and admiring his handiwork. This is the definition of love: to derive joy from the object of the love. Christ for all our issues enjoys us even though he knows really how corrupt we are. How can we do any less when we know so little about each other no matter how much we think we know about the other person?
“A glorious”
Admirable splendor: Noble, honorable in the entirety of its works. The true church survives. Matt. 16:18, “and the gates of hell shall not prevail against It.” The true church has the reputation of admirable service, it is a noble and honorable institution established by and strengthened by Christ Himself.
“Church”
These are the called ones, the community of saints, and the local assembly. The church is both visible, made up of true believers now, and invisible, made up of all believers of all times.
“Not having spot”
Not having a stain or the defilement of sin. The church has been paid for by Christ blood. And now His righteousness is imputed to the church, along with the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit. As a result of these actions the church learns how to practically remove her sin. Constantly striving, endeavoring to break the chains of sins that ravish her and rob her of her joy in Christ. There will be a day, and this is a fact, when Christ’s church will be literally without the stain and defilement of sin, it will stand before Christ in purity. That my dear friends, is a wonderful truth we can depend on.
“Or wrinkle”
This is a fold, a crease in the face. This carries two thoughts. One is to be unkempt, needing smoothing like a fine linen table cloth that is out of place. The other is lines and wrinkles in the skin due to age and wear. The church presented to Christ is not old and worn out, but fresh and well kempt, vibrant. The true church is not old and outdated because the truth of scripture is as relevant today as when it was first handed down to us.
“Or any such thing”
This includes any other type of disorderly, unbecoming action or appearance. There is no legitimacy to an old worn out church, the church does not need to update her practices, but stand firm on the living word. Christ design and practices do not become, “ old fashioned” They are alive and powerful.
“But”
You could also say: on the contrary, or in contrast to spots and wrinkles.
“That it should be holy”
To be sacred: pure, blameless, consecrated, and separate from evil. Devotion to God and a desire to obey His word is what sets the church apart from the world. 1 John 2:15, “Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world, if any man love the world, the love of the father is not in him.” Does this devotion and loyalty exist in your marriage? Are you devoted to each other, out of a desire to serve and enjoy one another? This is the essence of the reflection of Christ in the marriage.
“Without blemish”
To be without the stain of sin: faultless. It is the absence of anything amiss in a sacrifice or anything which would render it unworthy to be offered. The husband is to produce in the marriage a sense of blamelessness, separation from the world. Christ sees His church in purity, perfection, separate and consecrated unto Him. Husbands must see past the spots and wrinkles and be promoting holiness, blamelessness. Husbands must, through their leadership and Godly life, remove the signs of aging and wear in their marriage. They are placing their wives on display for all to admire. This is the true meaning of a “trophy wife”: a lively, Godly, submitted, vibrant woman that adores her husband as the church adores Christ.
Israel was constantly rebuked by God for acting like the nations around her. Our marriages are to mirror Christ and His church, not those of the world around us. The world seeks to destroy and separate which is the opposite of the church. That is why a Godly marriage stands out in such stark contrast to even other Christian marriages. Even within the Christian marriages, there is hatred and bitterness, an unwillingness to forgive and promote the other before their, own personal interest. Christ is not glorified in this and our homes know no peace, no one wins where sin reigns.
Eph. 5:28-33
Loving our wives as ourselves
At this juncture the focus shifts to what is near and dear to us, our own bodies. I have heard it said,” Christ does this because men are selfish,” implying that women are not. It is a bad argument based on a false premise. All mankind is selfish; Eve believed the snake because she believed God was denying her something she should have. Gen. 3:6 gives three reasons why she accepted the devils argument. 1. The tree was good for food. 2. The tree was pleasant to the eye. 3. To be desired to make one wise. Adam chooses Eve over God. The case could be made all sin is rooted in selfishness; but, that is not why a man’s concentration on himself is used here. One reason is if the man did not take care of himself he could not provide for his family, and the wife’s opportunities to provide income were limited, and mostly less than honorable. If he got hurt they were utterly destitute. Also, we are the body of Christ, which will also be explained here. So the wife is an extension of the man, they must work as one. Like a sack race, you either both win or both lose, you cannot do it alone.
Vs. 28
“So ought men”
It is reasonable to expect the man to do this. Here is a shift in focus, from a corporate approach, (the nation or the family), to a very personal approach, the individual.
“To love”
Again this is the root word agapaho, not agape, to find one’s joy in the object loved. This is a conscious act of the will. In verses 26-27 Christ acts out this love. He is not silent; He does not stand by and just watch. He is actively involved in the life of the object of His love, the church.
“Their wives”
Their own in particular, not all wives, just their own. This again drives home the point that the object of his intentions must be his wife. Good leaders draw attention to themselves by their actions, and can become convinced they can help others by their engaging personality. It will always end in failure because they have stepped out of their God given mandate. What is being discussed here is their personal private relationship to their mate, not their work environment, but their home.
“As their own body”
This is the one flesh concept. He is not to see them as two people, but one, even as himself. In the same way he provides for himself, he also provides for her needs. He would not intentionally harm her anymore then he would harm himself. His health is vital to their survival and so is hers, for she is an extension of him.
“He that loveth his wife”
This is a validating factor. If he can find his joy in her, care for her, dote over her, do what is best for her, lead her. That man, who through a conscious act of his will, is constantly striving to improve the quality of the relationship with his helpmeet; his corresponding opposite.
“Loveth himself”
The proof that he cares for his body, is in his relationship to his wife. The happier and more confident he is, the better the relationship. When he loves his wife, the same way as himself, he has reached an awareness of a sacrificial attitude, the pinnacle of Christ-like leadership.
Vs. 29
“For no man”
It would be irrational to conceive of any individual that would intentionally be self destructive. They do exist, but they end up killing themselves or living in a home for the mentally insane. The rational argument is that it would be insane to suggest that a man would hate:
“Ever yet hated”
To detest: to persecute. No man abuses himself, hurts himself, and purposefully makes it impossible to perform his needed functions. In the day this was written to do so insured, an early death. No-one would or could step in and care for you, they had their own responsibilities. If you got hurt your family had to do the best they could while you healed.
“Their own body”
The argument is: what benefit would an individual gain from self destruction? There are sick people who inflict pain and discomfort on themselves. The norm is to take care of yourself the best you can because a healthy body makes life more pleasant.
“But nourisheth”
On the contrary, a man will rear up to maturity, or train his body, ensuring its ability to perform all needed functions.
“Cherisheth”
To brood over: to foster, to place a high value upon something. Our health was and is vital not only to our quality of life, but our very way of existence. In biblical times, you would not have had men so obese they could not get out of bed, that to move them you need a crane or a forklift. Those people would die, because they could not help themselves. Only the very, very rich would have been able to become fat, because they had others to do their work for them. This is not just weight but any self destructive activity that threatened your wellbeing also threatened the wellbeing of your family.
“Even as the Lord the church”
In the same manner as, Christ over His called out ones. Each believer is nourished and cherished, foster and brooded over and brought to maturity. In a similar fashion, husbands are to be this way with their wives. You don’t take time off, you’re not too tired, and you realize the health and survival of your marriage is at stake. You brood over it; you’re constantly improving it, tweaking it, endeavoring to conform it to the image of Christ and the church. Sickness is not ignored, sin is not acceptable; your eyes and ears are always open, your mind is always sharp and focused. Christ is Lord of the church; it goes the way He leads. The husband is Lord of the home; it, too, goes the way he leads. Are your expectations reasonable? Is your resolve steadfast? Are your motives honorable? I can assure you Christ’s are, so ours must be also. No particular person is perfect, no marriage is perfect. To give up on your body would mean constant discomfort and early death. To give up on your marriage would yield the same results. Pressure and difficulty cleanse and strengthen both the body and the marriage; we should work through both with equal vigor!
Vs. 30
“For we are members”
We all have invested interest in, we are all extensions of. All of us that are born again share this commonality with one another. No person or group is more important than the other. There are differences on office, in gender, in age, and in gifts, but all are equal before God. We are forever bound to one another by the sacrifice of Christ.
“Body”
The church, a well established, well preserved organization. The church is safe, secure, protected, we as believers share in the wholesome, well established relationship with Christ; as individuals as well as couples. If your wife is born again, she not only is your helpmeet, but also a fellow heir of the kingdom and a member of Christ’s body with you. Christ takes that relationship very serious and so should we.
“Of His flesh”
Human body, but speaking to the passions, feelings, desires Christ shared with us. He took the form of a human being, with all its frailties and passions. He has empathy with our condition. He loved us so much He became one of us that He could do what we could not, live a perfect life and example in our place. Husbands, do you want to know how to be great leaders? Read the Gospels over and over, learn from Christ example. You see the mind of Christ written on every page, there is no better way to get to know him. Wives, do you want to know how to submit to your husband’s? Get to know the gospels; you see Christ perfect submission to the Father over and over again. He gave you a picture perfect example of complete submission without fear, or mistrust.
“Of His bones”
He was truly a physical man. He had the same physical structure as we do. He knows our thoughts, our feelings, our desires, and our weaknesses. He knows us from the inside out, because He cared for us; He loves us. So men, is this true of your leadership in your marriage? Do you know your wife from the inside out? Do you feel her pain, her joy, her weaknesses and strengths? Are you consumed with knowing who she is? Or, is your concern how well she does her job? Like an employee or a coworker. Christ knows us to our core, and He loves us anyway. How well do we as men really know our wives, and how important is that knowledge to our relationship? They say “knowledge is power,” if it empowers you to as a couple have peace, harmony, joy, Christ-likeness, why would you not put all your energy into that relationship? Here is a,” oneness of being,” unmatched by anything else on earth? In fact beyond the understanding of the world, which becomes our glaring testimony before them, this love and commitment they cannot obtain only observe.
Vs. 31
“For this cause”
The unique relationship we share with our wives and Christ is the cause spoken of here. The fact our wife is our responsibility, and we are to consider her as we would ourselves, and her every care is to be our concern, is the cause. We derive our joy from our relationship with our wife. Our fellowship with Christ is affected by our relationship with our wife. 1 Pet. 3:7, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
“Shall a man”
Shall is a command, not a suggestion. It is also a fact. The man, i.e. the husband, must, not should.
“Leave”
Abandon; forsake a pervious relationship. His priorities and responsibilities have changed. He is now a decision maker with others lives depending on him, and his commitment to them. Abandon in the sense that his old relationship and commitments are altered to except new ones. Not disregard or sever, for that would mean breaking the 5th Commandment to honor your parents. This means you change your primary responsibilities to now place your wife as you’re first and foremost priority.
“His”
His in particular, the focus is the man here. This command is directed at him.
“Father”
Authority figure: the man getting married goes from being under authority to being the authority. His authority is autonomous, in that no-one can come into his home and rule over his family, as we learned in verses 22-23 of this chapter. This does not mean he now has license to ignore or disrespect his father, but only that his first priority is his own family.
“Mother"
Nurturer: he is stepping away from the object of his love to a new love. His affections have changed; he now must focus on someone other than his mother. This is not to say he no longer shows his love and respect to his mother, just that she is no longer his first concern.
“Shall be joined with”
Glued; adhered to; cleave to. This is a different relationship than either has ever had before. No matter how close the family relationship is this is something new. There is a bound that defies explanation, because it is a product of God’s direct design and intent. No other human relationship can compare to the husband wife relationship.
“His wife”
His in particular: his helpmeet, his corresponding opposite. God has joined these people together and that makes it the ultimate bond. He will never have that same bond with anyone else, no other woman, no man, and no child. He may have other close relationships but none can match a marriage sanctioned by God. His life is forever changed. He makes the decisions now that affects her life also. He is out from under his Father’s authority and his mother’s nurturing. He has a wife who cannot be his mother, and is commanded not to be his authority, and who will depend on his ability to provide for them materially, emotionally, and spiritually.
“And they two shall be one flesh”
Both physically go through the sensual and spiritually bond, in that God recognizes them as one being. Whatever either of them does from that point forward, it affects both of them. They are no longer only concerned with themselves, but every action and every thought affects that God ordained oneness.
Vs. 32
“This is a great mystery”
A secret; something not easily understood.
“But I speak concerning Christ and the church”
Marriage is not a mystery, it is a fact, a command to do certain things, believe certain things, and think in a certain way. It takes effort and self-sacrifice. It is confusing at times, but satisfying and has achievable ends. Christ relationship to the church is beyond understanding. I could write a whole new study on just the unfathomable relationship between Christ and the church. We could spend the rest of our lives trying to fathom the possibility of the invisible church alone. Then if you add the relationship of the true visible church and how every member fits perfectly with every other member, and consider we have little to no knowledge of exactly who these other members even are. Sure you know or think you know, who are the true believers in your church, but do you know the believers in the next church down the road from yours? How about in another country, do you know all those believers? So how exactly do you fit together with all these people you don’t know? In light of this understanding marriage, pales in comparison to Christ and His church. Paul is saying don’t lose sight of the big picture. Don’t be overwhelmed with the do-able.
Vs. 33
“Nevertheless”
Shifting focus here, we have established what the mystery is; but now let’s get back to the reality.
“Let”
Again: a command to immediately start.
“Every one of you in particular”
A command to every individual husband, no-one is left out, no exceptions.
“So love”
Or in the same way Christ has so amply exampled for us. This is a conscious act of each husband’s will, to find one’s joy in the object of their love. There will be other things in your life that bring temporal joy, but nothing is to replace or take priority over your commitment, joy, and responsibility to your wife.
“His wife even as himself”
His helpmeet, his corresponding opposite, in the same painstaking, doting way he does himself. The same care, concern, interest he does for his own personal needs, he now is committed to do for her.
“And the wife”
This portion of scripture ends the way it started, with a command to the wife.
“See that she reverence her husband”
To be in awe: to revere, to respectfully fear. In verse 5:22 she was commanded to submit to her own husband because of his position and who he represents. In this verse she is told to reverence her own husband for what he does. Nowhere does any of this indicate either spouse being perfect and that because they are not your command by God becomes null and void. Actually, the respective commands of submission, love, and respect are regardless of the others personal failures; because you are accountable to God alone at that great and powerful day. We are all flawed human beings. The husband is to love and lead wife no matter how difficult that may be, and she is to submit and reverence him no matter how difficult that is. If their roles are reversed, or modified into some form of a partnership, then it is wrong, perverse, a rejection of their God-given responsibilities. We represent Christ and His church, how you do that determines your relationship to Christ. You can’t be on fire for Christ and reject His commands. You can be on fire for Christ and be a lousy husband or wife. But, in that case, you are working to improve and desire to do God’s will, just at the present time you are bad at it. There are other scriptures that further define the husband/wife roles that we can discuss in the future, but this ends the study on Eph. 5:22-33. May God bless you and give you wisdom in all areas of your life.
